So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You left your phone here
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