I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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