so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
