I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
