Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
