Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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