I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
