You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
