He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
