i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
