yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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