Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
