It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
