Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
love makes seman taste better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
