And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
