She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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