I want you more than these girls want KFC
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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