So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
