You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
