I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
