I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
