is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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