I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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