i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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