bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
