my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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