Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
