im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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