Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
