oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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