so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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