Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
