My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
