The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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