I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
