I didn't shave. On purpose
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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