one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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