Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
