He kissed a someone with a penis
nutella sex= disaster
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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