Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
