Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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