Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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