It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
