Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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