I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
