i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
