I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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