dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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