its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
