yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
