apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
