also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
