I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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