p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
