I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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