I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
