How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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