1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
